You know what I came up with?

It's OK to keep missing him.

It's OK to never stop hurting.

But it's not OK to keep glancing back. You should move on, and look back with a smile on your lips and a happy glow in your eyes. That's what I know he would want me to do.

 

I truly thought that being happy would make me a horrible person.. How can I possibly be happy, laugh and keep moving on with my life while he's lying underground, buried deep down far far away? How can I go out with a smile on my lips while I'm burning inside; wanting to scream out loud?

 

I then realized that all my actions - cold behavior towards the people I love, that has been supporting me and helping me through this - and thoughts were a complete opposite to what he was. To what he believed in.

So how could I be missing him, but forgetting or refusing to see what he was; what he is?

He made us all happy and he still does.. And that's what I'm going to remember and live by..

Yes, I'm still hurting. I'm still missing him. I keep forgetting that he isn't here to visit whenever I want.. But that doesn't mean that he wants to see me dressed in black from top to toe, with a sad grin on my face. And he really disliked black.. So wouldn't I be a hypocrite to miss someone and show it in ways he wouldn't approve of?